Monday, July 13, 2009

Sick Today

Well, I said I was going to get a migraine today because I thought this funeral today was going to be an unorganized mess (it's going to be just fine actually) and I guess God didn't want to make a liar out of me.

I feel just awful. My ears hurt, I'm coughing, my whole body aches and I spike a fever every time I get up and walk around.

This is nothing new to me. I hate it. This Epstein-Barr, Chronic Fatigue, Fibromyalgia, whatever is actually behind this decades long illness (I'm hearing that Herpes might be the culprit, for people who have had bad cases of chicken pox as children seem vulnerable---and I had a memorable case of chicken pox) kicks my butt over and over again. My younger sister was just diagnosed with MS & Lupus, which are factored into the illness as well.

I bitch and moan and complain and whine and am not suffering with great dignity, I must say.

It would be easier if I had an illness that Dean Edell says doesn't exist except in my imagination, if there were something more conclusive than vague "I just don't feel good" symptoms. If I were in a wheelchair.

I've been telling myself lately to pretend I have some terrible illness and try to be like somebody in the movies, gallant and smiling.


I wish I were normal.


cathycan said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
cathycan said...

Oh I hear ya! Never diagnosed, suffer in silence, then feel sorry for myself when no one realizes how bad I feel! I know, I am a sad puppy! My sister has it, too.
I think I read the best thing to treat this disease, is to catch catnaps in a warm car as often as possible!
Take care of yourself and drink lots of caffeine, it seems to help me.

7:00 PM

annegb said...

You guys both have chronic fatigue? Did you know there's a correlation between that and having bad chicken pox as a kid? There are all kinds of scientific findings that I wish they could put together in some kind of congruent fashion.

It's really awful. So discouraging. I feel better today, still very weak, but not as bad. So discouraging.

Caffeine is a bad news-good news situation. There always seems to be a backlash when I rely too heavily on it. DHEA has been very helpful to me lately. I'm always striving for balance.

I have to tell you, Cathy, I loved you hair. I kept looking at how your hair just fell so artfully and thinking, " does she do that?" LOL