Saturday, August 30, 2008

Middle aged Mormon women running away from home in droves

I'm puttering around slowly organizing things to pack up for the move back home. One of the girls at the school is getting ready to graduate and go home and she's so nervous about it. I can relate to her. What if it doesn't work out?
Since I left Bill in March, many of my friends (and some perfect strangers) are telling me of their envy. Not the men---the women.
I'm coming to the opinion that the middle aged Mormon woman is tired. We've raised our kids, tried to follow the prophet and support our husbands and now we're bone dog tired.
So many friends have said they envy me in this quiet little trailer. So many have voiced their dissatisfaction with their marriage and their lives. Many, like me, are having rebellious thoughts about the devotion to church and family which seems to have sapped them physically, emotionally, and even spiritually.
Leaving Bill, getting set up here, getting this scary, scary job and going out into the world alone, is one of the bravest things I've ever done. Going back to him will probably top that in demanding even greater courage on my part.
I have no answers. I'm leaning on the Lord, one day at a time, and hoping I'm doing the right thing.