Friday, August 29, 2008

Friday, August 29 um, life in the fast lane

I decided to write this as truly a journal of sorts. So, I will provide background.

So, Bill and I got in another big fight and I left and moved to a little cottage in an RV trailer park in Parowan. My cottage (aka glorified trailer) and the park are very clean and well kept. The park is quiet. I have no neighbors on either side and just got a few across the "street." Two quiet old guys in camp trailers.

As I said in my previous post, I'm working at a private girls' school which is a totally new experience out of my comfort zone big time!! But I love it and enjoy the challenge and maybe someday I'll write about it at length. I'm learning so much about life and people (they really do lie) and myself and what makes me tick.

My little sister died suddenly of MRSA a month after I left Bill and that blew me away. I still can't believe she's gone and I can't feel her spirit and a part of me died with her. Not many people can relate to how close I was to my sisters. I did my best to take care of them when I was a child and I love them so much. Only my children and Bill are more important to me.

I started out working five days a week; now I'm down to 3 1/2. Which is nice.

My day at work begins at 3 pm. On weekdays, I get an hour to clock in, get a radio (we have to have one, although some are broken and there's always a rush to get a radio) and go to each unit and check out what I might be dealing with that day---an upset girl or a sprained ankle, that sort of thing.

On a quiet day, we get the girls through study hall and tuck them in. I love that time of day when they're all showered and safely in bed. I used to love it when my kids were safely in bed, also.

I get off at 11 pm, go home and watch TV, eat a snack and wind down. My days off are usually spent in "Bill's house" doing laundry, shopping, and hopefully winding down.

I spend much of my time alone, which I love.

The thing I've realized is that I am a solitary person. I've forced myself to be artificially involved with tons of people because I felt they needed me---perhaps they did. But I'm learning I must feed my own soul first.

So, when I move back, and I'm planning to on September 10, I intend to stay in this mode. Quiet, alone, focusing on myself and my relationship with God and putting first things first. That would be my health--physical and emotional and spiritual---and my marriage and my family. Really, that's a lot.

Today, I'm doing the dishes (aka doing what's in front of me) (I don't have any clean ones LOL), making my bed, blogging, and visiting my mother. Then I'll go to work, which provides endless variety and opportunities for stress. It's different stress, though, stress I can leave behind.

This is skeewampus. Hopefully, it'll smooth out as I go along. My main goal is to write about mid-life crises, menopause, empty nest, and accompany mental illness and marital problems. For those women who might be experiencing the same thing. God bless us, every one.