Thursday, August 28, 2008

Life today AKA "Anne's Midlife Crisis"

This isn't for comments. I've blogged about my new life on Mormon Mentality, but have tried (for me LOL) not to get too personal due to the nature and purpose of that blog.

I need an outlet, though and I wonder if there are other women out there experiencing the same thing.

I always rise early, habit, maybe. I hate it, I wish I could sleep till noon. I work at a school for troubled girls---I don't know the PC phrase. It's called an academy and it's an accredited high school with four/five teachers and a principal, a computer lab, a pretty good library, etc. It's a home where we practice behavior modification in the form of firmness, consistency, structure, etc. Basically, I think we do what parents of troubled (think drugs, that sort of stuff, not homocidal maniacs) teens would do if they had the stamina and/or the money.

The girls are never, never unsupervised and we are pretty strict, although not mean. No one is abused here, although you forget their snack and they willl scream bloody murder.

I'm prohibited from writing about individual girls because I signed a confidentiality agreement, but maybe I'll write about the experience later.

Back to my day: I rise early, although it's perfectly quiet around here. Trailers on both sides of me and across from me are vacant, except when their owners pop in and out for an occasional visit. I can hear birds and traffic---we're near the freeway. I stumble out and get the paper, drink a cup of herbal tea and take my morning medications. Slowly I wake up.

I live a bachelor life. Sometimes I eat a frozen waffle, sometimes an Klondike bar, sometimes nothing. Once in awhile, I make bacon and eggs for breakfast. I seem to feel better those days. Wonder why, LOL.

Sometimes I eat nothing until dinner at the school, which is pretty much institution food and usually grosses me out. I've gotten onto these cherry chocolate candy bars that we called "Cherry-A-Let" when I was a kid. I need that belly fat drug now.

I run the dishwasher about once a week, go to the laundromat once a week, or wash at what everyone calls "Bill's house" now.

I can hardly believe things have happened like this so quickly. I suppose readers have said, "could've predicted that." I know friends and neighbors are alternately stunned or well, not stunned. Widows, divorcees, and single friends are coming out of the woodwork. People look at me a bit strangely at the grocery store, some saying, "how you doing? It's good to see you!" others hintingly asking questions, to which I, uncustomarily reticent, dodge the issue they want to hear about most. A really cool friend the other day said, "Arlene, how are you? Somebody said you and Bill are divorced---is that true?" I appreciated and respected her honesty and because I know her well, didn't attribute her questions to nosiness.

I'm moving back in with Bill in a few weeks, terrified, unsure of anything. I feel I have to give it a try and I must live with him to see if I CAN live with him.

One aspect of this life I think I'll keep it my hermit-ism. If that's a word. I think I'll be anonymous for awhile longer.

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