Friday, November 30, 2007

Bushisms I hadn't heard before (or totally forgot)

I love George Bush. I know a lot of people don't and I sure don't agree with him on lots of stuff, but I think he's human and cool, also kind of cute. He reminds me of Harry Truman.

But he says some really stupid things. (which I would, too, if I knew millions of people were listening).

I got this calendar yesterday (for next year) and want to share a few of the quotes in it. I honestly don't think he's this stupid, just challenged in public speaking.

"The best way to defeat the totalitarian of hatge is with an ideology of hope---an ideology of hate---excuse me---with an ideology of hope."

"Rarely is the question asked, 'Is our children learning?'"

"We thought long and hard about what to propose. We proposed a bold initiativ, an initiative that takes equities out of the system, so people are treated fairly."

"Then I went for a run with the other dog and just walked. And I started thinking about a lot of things. I was able to---I can't remember what it was. Oh, the inaugural speech, started thinking throught that." (US News & World Report, January 22, 2001)

"You work three jobs?. . .Uniquely American, isn't it? I mean, that is fantastic that you're doing that!" (to a single mother of three)

"We had a good Cabinet meeting, talked about a lot of issues. Secretary of State and Defense brought us up to date about our desires to spread freedom and peace around the world."

"September the fourth, 2001, I stood in the ruins of the Twin Towers. It's a day I will never forget."

"You know, one of the hardest parts of my job is to connect Iraq to the war on terror." (Interview with Katie Couric)

His advisors probably drink their mylanta straight from the bottle.


Monday, November 26, 2007

Some wonderful poetry

Who doesn't love Emily Dickinson? What I love is that she says these things in as few words as possible. She doesn't get as flowery as Neal A. Maxwell, but he also had a way with the pithy phrase that made one sit up and think.

I was looking for something to put on a little note to my visiting teaching ladies and I came across this:

"Much madness is divinest sense
To a discerning eye:
Muche sense the starkest madness.
'Tis the majority
In this, as all, prevails.
Assent, and you are sane;
Demur,--you're straightwayd dangerous,
And handled with a chain."

My sentiments exactly. Although I tend to take it to an extreme.

I'm sure she wrote a poem for that, as well :)

I'm Thankful that Bill has gone back to work

My husband is a force of nature. He bounces out of bed and never stops moving until he sits down to watch the news at night.

We had 16 people for Thanksgiving dinner and it was lovely. We had our grandkids and just had a nice time all the way around.

But by Saturday I was ready for everyone to go home (only Maxwell was left) and for Bill to stop moving. I cannot function with him in the house. He's in and out and noisy. He drives me crazy. He's obsessive about the dishes and before you say you wish your husband was like him, be careful what you wish for.

Finally yesterday morning (Sunday) he was cleaning up the kitchen AGAIN and I lost it. I made him stop and come in and sit down with me and be very quiet. And he did. We watched something about the Kennedy's together while I regained my composure.

I asked him to eat lunch uptown today (he usually comes home every day--THAT'S a treat). And finally I'm getting on top of my house.

I guess I'm crazy, too, because I can't work with people in my house.

If he gets any time off at Christmas, he's going fishing. That's all there is to it. I need silence.

Monday, November 19, 2007

Happy Thanksgiving!

I have always hated Thanksgiving. It's the lonliest holiday (except maybe New Years) when you are single or struggling as a family. I enjoyed Thanksgiving with my first husband's family when we all got together and ate in the front room. I loved them so much.

Bill's family, not so much. They don't visit, they are sort of cold in their gatherings, although they love and enjoy each other.

But the last four years, we've had housefuls. Because Bill's daughter, Joy, from his first marriage started to come, she likes us now. And with our kids with spouses, significant others, and the grandkids, we've had a crew.

Now a lot of people is good at Thanksgiving. I don't mind the work and I enjoy the company.

And now we have the new dining room. Woo-hoo! We're having at least 20 people this year, 23 if my nephews come. We can fit 12 in the dining room, so we'll be all over the house again. The new dining room (the first second I get, I'm going to post pictures) has an old fashioned screen door that opens onto a little porch and the weather's been good, so we open that door and the kids run in and out and I love the sound of them screaming and laughing.

This is what we're having for dinner:

Vegetable Tray with hidden valley (I always put sweet pickles on it and they make me choke but I love them)
Lion House's ribbon jello salad
Cranberry-Pineapple Nut jello (I'm the only one that eats it LOL)
A big green salad, with shrimp on the side (My first husband's family always had shrimp in their salad)

Turkey, regular and cornbread stuffing

Candied Yams
The Green Bean Casserole!
Mashed Potatoes and Gravy

Rolls (I'm going with store bought crescent rolls this year, the kind you pound the package and it bursts and scares you, you know)


My friend Shanna is bringing pops and drinks and appetizers (she's rich and she brings stuff like baked brie, well this year she is now that I've discovered it) and good cheeses and crackers.

I'll make a big breakfast and then we'll piece until dinner.

And I should be cleaning as we speak because the house is a mess and I have bills to pay and laundry to do and shirts to iron. But here I sit blogging :)

Saturday, November 17, 2007

Just start planning my funeral now

Well, I've alluded to my suicide attempt last year and it was awful in a million ways and I almost died and you guys would have missed me so much, I know. And I'm sort of sorry, although sometimes I think of the term "failed suicide attempt" and "failed" is the operative word. I know this is crazy, but I feel like a failure at suicide because at the last minute, I apparently changed my mind and got up. I collapsed and woke Bill up (I was sleeping the other room because we'd had a terrible fight and it was all his fault, as you can imagine)when I fell and he came in and somehow got me to the hospital. By the time I got to the hospital I wasn't breathing and it was hairy for everybody, except me, because I was blissfully unconscious. And I think they gave me versed because I don't remember a thing after laying down in bed, wondering if God would be so mad at me He wouldn't let me see my children.
I can see how guys succeed more because they use means that prohibit the changing of the mind. Although I found out first hand what a drug overdose can do to one's system. Hell, I could hardly walk for a month and I surely deserved it. I'm not complaining. Although I've thought more than once after I've done something I regret "if I'd died in July, I wouldn't have done this bad thing" or "I wouldn't have hurt this person" or "Bill would be getting over it by now and he'd have less stress in his life from his crazy wife and the house would always be clean and he'd have more money because I'm insured plus I wouldn't be spending all his money."
Well. You can see how irrational the thought processes of the truly depressed can get. Bill and I have reached a new place of commitment and closeness in our relationship, not because of what happened, but because I had to get concrete help to stay out the state hospital (you better believe I would have blogged about that experience) and I'm in a better frame of mind and body.
Well. Until Bill finds out (which I'm going to try to make sure he doesn't) that I spent a veritable fortune yesterday. I didn't mean to. I was just sort of wandering after a solid week at home resting and taking care of things here. And I wandered into the depot mall, a craft consignment store that has the cutest stuff and bought some cute stuff for the holidays (we're having tons of company) and then I wandered into Wal-Mart, where I bought this buffet thing and a small wood pantry that Bill will have to put together. Me and two girls and a guy put them into the backseat of my car. They're not gaudy or expensive---I always go for cheap stuff, but they're the perfect size for what I needed for my kitchen.
Well. That isn't the bad part. As I was wandering, it was a free day, I wandered into this new cloths store in town called Bealls. And fell in love. Because they have cute clothes, better than Wal-Mart, a little more expensive, but quality clothes. And here's the good part---they have petite!
If I told you how much I weighed, I'd have to hunt you down and kill you because nobody knows that, only the doctors nurse. Not the doctor, we are so not having that discussion. But my waist is about 35 " and my inseam is 31" on a good day. It's really hard to find pants that fit. But I tried on two really cute pairs of levis and they fit. Perfectly! And I don't look fat in them, either. Plus they were marked down from $40 to $28.
And cute jackets and suit pants that fit.
Well, I got carried away and then someone didn't show up to work and they only had two people in the whole store and long lines of people and I just kept buying more stuff.
My psychiatrist keeps asking about my spending, which isn't all that bad, usually. I don't go buy thousands of dollars of stuff or anything like that. I'm not even a clothes horse type of girl. Oh, maybe I should change that. I didn't used to be a clothes horse type of girl.
But I'm pretty sure I'm a dead man when Bill finds out. IF he finds out. You guys, keep your mouth shut. Or start practicing "Bridge Over Troubled Waters" which all my friends will be singing at my funeral. Except my friend, Cathy, who will be playing the flute. It will be a nice and entertaining funeral.

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

Visiting Sedona

Here's my goal to posting more regularly. First, I think they should change the name of Mormon Mentality to Annegb's stupid neurotic blog because it seems like I'm the only one posting or commenting. I don't know where everybody is. And it just takes the class level down a notch when I threaten and use bad words to people.

I suppose it's like a blog train wreck.

My friend, Lauri, lives in Prescott, Arizona. She moved there several years ago and loves it. She's the Relief Society president in her ward, which when I heard, the first thing I did was laugh out loud. Then I said, "Oh, that's not appropriate....let me see...oh, Lauri, I'm sorry....oh, that's not appropriate either. Congratulations, I'm sure you'll do a wonderful job."

Then I had to say, "Crap, Lauri, I am so sorry. I'll pray for you."

I honestly had that reaction, first how funny was that? Then, oh boy, girlfriend, your life is about to change dramatically.

There are a lot of psychics around there, she's close to Sedona. And I have frequent flier miles and I think I'm going to have to go see her.

Unless in a few hours I poop out and change my mind and go lie on the couch.

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

My writing career and personal laziness problem

Well, I'm not a lazy as I once thought I was. I am ill, chronically, and I've learned to be kinder to myself and appreciate the moments when I must rest as much as the moments when I'm feeling better and bouncing off the walls with fun projects.

However, I often take on projects that seem exciting, only to burn out after a few weeks and quit. Or spend the next years complaining until I'm released. I'm a true idiot. I never think ahead to "this will involve some effort" I think "oh, that sounds fun." or "what a good idea, you're right, I would be perfect for that."

I'm not vain, it's usually something I can do, like oh, make great cinnamon rolls. I wouldn't say "I'm perfect" for most of the stuff I'm not talented at, which I'm not talented at much.

But I can write a damn good nasty letter and I write a column for the paper which, when some of my fellow bloggers have read, doesn't "sound like me at all." For the paper, I write with a more reasonable tone and I have a bit of dignity. I do not cuss or go off on people. You would be proud of me, also surprised.

I write a column once a month as part of a writers group. We don't get paid, although I think we should be, but there is a certain amount of glory that goes with it and I have to think most writers love the glory more than the compensation.

However, the last couple of months have just been overwhelming to me in terms of writing. I was researching a local judge to write an op-ed piece. He's widely perceived as soft on defendants and I wanted to get at the truth. In the course of my research, I stumbled onto facts and experiences that made it fodder for a bigger story, news. The paper asked me to continue investigating and told me as soon as they hire a new bureau chief for our town, they would put me with a reporter.

I was fine with this, excited. Maybe I could be an investigative journalist! Well. Investigative journalism sucks. You wouldn't believe how hard work it is. I've spent literally hours and days at the courthouse looking up cases. Questions beget answers that have begot more questions. And I've been obsessed at getting to the bottom of the issue.

I interviewed the judge, who was really gracious about this novice who was out to expose him. Perhaps he saw the stupidity behind my facade.

I stumbled onto another story, that I've posted about on MM, which has just depressed the heck out of me.

So now, I'm tired, I don't want to be an investigative journalist, it was fun for the first two weeks and now it's work.

And I just don't think I'm cut out to be a writer because it involves an immense amount of work. I have so much respect for anybody who writes a book because how boring is that? It's work, I tell you, work.

I'm finding a new hobby.

Monday, November 05, 2007

Bookslinger, here you go :)

"You suck." That's how tired I am that I actually wrote that to people on Mormon Mentality and I'm not sorry. Although I may abjectly apologize tomorrow, but I doubt it. I think they do suck.

This was my day started Saturday.

Maxwell got baptized and we are all like one great big Anne Tyler novel. Because he got baptized the same day as this kid in our ward and that was all nice, although they were almost late for the whole thing due to the fact that this family with 5 kids (and tons of company for said baptism) had only one bathroom.

And not only daughter-in-law's foster father was mad because he wasn't asked to baptize Maxwell, even though he's 60 years old, only has the Aaronic priesthood and never goes to church. So he sat out in the car during the baptism.

Then Rhiannon (age 3) decided to re-distribute the programs and song sheets I'd carefully laid out and that was a trip trying to sort them out at the last minute as people came in the door.

Then Sarah came! Hi, sweetie! even though she was sick....then I look up and in comes Jessie and Jack, her boyfriend....hi again, surprise, she said Jack wasn't coming. So we went out in the hallway so I could ask if things were okay because they were fighting (she looked just beautiful by the way, all you people except Brian who is married, you suck, too, because you didn't realize what a jewel she was when I was trying to fix you up).

And at that very moment, in walks Becky, Jared's old girlfriend, who loves the kids and is for some masochistic reason, hanging out at Jared and Jamie's a lot and is bringing half the dinner for after. Jessie froze (okay, she's in a fight with Becky and Briony, I'm not sure why, it has something to do with crystal meth and Jessie trying to get clean and Jack hates them, like I said, Anne Tyler) and I smiled and said hi, but right behind her comes Briony, and I have never in my life seen Jessie snub anybody, she is the sweetest charmingest thing in our family. Sarah is the snubber--and she hates Jack and she's back in the room sitting by Jack, not looking happy.

But Jessie snubbed Briony, her former friend, without a doubt. And I was trying to explain that I didn't invite her, and Becky invited herself and Jamie's foster mom is looking grim. But you know what, I had a good time and so did the kids who got baptized and the spirit was there and one of my best friends played the piano and she cried throughout and it was wonderful.

Then we had the drama after the baptism because Jessie and Jack wouldn't come over because Becky was there, and Jamie's dad stayed outside with the kids and Sarah said it felt so tense she was going home. But the kids and Bill and me and Jamie had a good old time, and our neighbors came over and tons of food and Becky is a sweetheart, even if she should just tell Jared to stick it.

So I slept all day yesterday and got up early today to wash in my new laundry room and I got started on the bills so Bill and I could talk about them for family home evening and I ran uptown to get some folding chairs Ace Hardware had on sale.

And Sarah called and she was crying so hard she couldn't talk, which we all just sit and listen and pretend we understand her and turn the volume on the phone down and she was really sick and the lawyer had lost the divorce papers from October 6 and Nick was mad about it. Who could blame him.

Dumb lawyer. So I called Nick and told him I'd take care of it. Then I pinned Sarah down on the details "Mom, I'm sick, I don't want to talk about this!"

Me: "grow up. this isn't going to go away."

So I gave her a hug and told her I loved her and told her to rest and I went up to that lawyer's office and I sat there while the secretary re-filled out the papers and got them right and then I went over to the courthouse where I've been doing investigative journalist stuff and they all know me and I went into the courtroom and made that lawyer sign the papers and then I went to the post office and I mailed them express mail.

And I came home and we're having good chicken corn chowder and truly, Anne Tyler writes about my family every time she writes a book.

I can't believe I had to do all that and I'm going to make that lawyer pay me for the postage. Which I'll be at the courthouse all day tomorrow and you better believe I'm going to discuss it with him.

And me and Bill are selling out and moving away from our kids.