Well, we're all dying, really. But Mom is a little nearer to it than some of us. She's been in the ER twice in two months and last month she did actually die and they rescessitated her, how the hell do you spell that?
They did x-rays and CT scans and found that she has broken all but four of the bones in her spine and she's in a bucket of trouble. She's in so much pain. There's nothing they can do for her, but drug her to the gills.
So I took her back to the rest home with instructions not to let her get up without help, and give her any good drugs she wants. Perhaps she'll just sleep until she dies. There's a chance her back will heal enough for her to get up again, but her bones are made of china and she will certainly just fall again. The doctor said she's at least 6 inches than she was when she was in her prime. She's 4'8" and she's lost so much weight it's painful beyond belief just to get a shot.
I told the rest home that no matter what, I don't want her to suffer. I know what I'm talking about. I know I'm talking about snowing her. But the pain the doctor described to me just really beat me up, let alone my mom and she was in major pain yesterday. They could barely get on top of it with Dilaudid.
I'm praying she will go quietly in her sleep after Christmas. I know I sound cold as hell, but I will just die myself if I end up having to do a funeral before Christmas.
However, I'll take any option that gets her out of this pain. You guys, I'm the last person you want around if you're in deep pain or if you're bleeding. I simply completely panic. I was frantic yesterday as I drove her to the hospital (they should have sent her in an ambulance)---so frantic I was calling her "Mommy" "Oh, Mommy, I'm hurrying."
And she won't go into a hospital again. There's nothing they can do for her. Nothing, except traumatize her and scare her. That's something I never expected---that they could do nothing. I wasn't prepared for this. But I'm getting with her doctor and making sure she dies free of discomfort. Utah is good that way.