tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25138681.post1487340489548247773..comments2023-08-15T02:50:08.161-07:00Comments on just sayin': The Cheap Thrill of Movingannegbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15037271914260019842noreply@blogger.comBlogger6125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25138681.post-52105379061185645082008-09-26T07:03:00.000-07:002008-09-26T07:03:00.000-07:00Although, there are two sides to everything. Look...Although, there are two sides to everything. Looking at it from his side, he's a good "normal" person married to a nutjob.annegbhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15037271914260019842noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25138681.post-42243256030271994082008-09-26T06:54:00.000-07:002008-09-26T06:54:00.000-07:00Yes is the short answer. The long answer is yes, ...Yes is the short answer. The long answer is yes, in the last 27 years we've been to so many counselors I've lost count. We went to Marriage Encounter.<BR/><BR/>One problem, I think, as far as the counselors go, is that usually they are my counselors and Bill goes to see how he can support me in becoming mentally healthy. <BR/><BR/>He often didn't make the appointments. He was lazy about it.<BR/><BR/>I think he's still in deep denial about why I left.<BR/><BR/>But I'm not sure about the "marriage" part of your question. I wonder if there's a difference.<BR/><BR/>I've been urged to get a divorce by two of the counselors. I think Bill would be shocked to know how happy he could be with another woman.annegbhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15037271914260019842noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25138681.post-19649919980157365342008-09-25T20:12:00.000-07:002008-09-25T20:12:00.000-07:00Annegb: within the last 2 years, have you and Bill...Annegb: within the last 2 years, have you and Bill actually sat down face-to-face with a professional marriage counselor for a paid session?Bookslingerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15077778974473538408noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25138681.post-56450472068796104122008-09-24T09:51:00.000-07:002008-09-24T09:51:00.000-07:00I had tons of boxes. My visiting teachers kept ex...I had tons of boxes. My visiting teachers kept exclaiming over my cool books :)<BR/><BR/>I didn't move out as a negotiation tactic. I moved out in a panic as an act of absolute desperation. I had to run, to get away from the mass of contention and shouting and nerves my marriage had become.<BR/><BR/>I'm not sure it's any better now. I didn't come back because this is where I wanted to be. I came back because I felt this is where I should be. And because I didn't have the moral courage or stamina to say I want out.<BR/><BR/>And because I kept thinking, "what if I'm wrong? What if I make this final and regret it?"<BR/><BR/>So it was easier to come back and live tenuously and falsely than to make the final break. I felt that the time had come for a decision and if I didn't give this a try, I might regret it later. How do I know if we can live together unless we live together?<BR/><BR/>My moods fluctuate incredibly, but for now, things are fairly stable. I know how pathetic this all sounds. It's the best I can do. I have enough "Mormon" left in me to try to honor the family the best I can.annegbhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15037271914260019842noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25138681.post-81828512354826880212008-09-21T21:01:00.000-07:002008-09-21T21:01:00.000-07:00annegb: I seemed to have missed these last few po...annegb: I seemed to have missed these last few posts since you moved out.<BR/><BR/>Sometimes it takes the wife moving out for a while for a husband to get his wake-up call that he needs to make adjustments.<BR/><BR/>I helped a married sister (sister in the church, that is) move out, and fully expected them to get back together. They did.<BR/><BR/>It's a negotiation tactic, and should be used as a last resort. But sometimes, like in any other kind of negotiation, one party has to demonstrate that they are willing to walk away before the other party will budge. <BR/><BR/>The reluctant party is then forced to consider which they would rather do, a) work out some concessions/compromises, or b) lose the deal entirely.<BR/><BR/>You and Bill have been together for, what, 20-some years now? That's pretty good evidence that things can be worked out. If he's not (and you're not) doing hard drugs, or patronizing prostitutes, or molesting children, or turned gay, or robbing banks, there's an excellent probability that you guys can work things out.Bookslingerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15077778974473538408noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25138681.post-36671638771101273462008-09-10T11:25:00.000-07:002008-09-10T11:25:00.000-07:00I was moving once and asked my visiting teachers t...I was moving once and asked my visiting teachers to bring me boxes from the liquor store, because those are the best boxes for moving. They laughed politely and told me I was so funny. I told them I was serious, and they laughed harder, and would not get them for me. You could try that, or just go yourself. That would give the shunners something new to chew on. Ok, tomato boxes from the grocery store are good too, but not as abundant.Lucyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18184413890263257747noreply@blogger.com